Beginning Again

The Prayer
Words and Music -Carole Bayer Sager & David Foster
Italian Lyrics- Alberto Testa & Tony Renis

I pray you'll be our eyes, and watch us where we go And help us to be wise, in times when we don't know Let this be our prayer, when we lose our way Lead us to the place, guide us with your grace To a place where we'll be safe.
La luce che tu dai I pray we'll find your light Nel cuore resterà And hold it in our hearts A ricordarci che When stars go out each night L'eterna stella sei Nella mia preghiera Let this be our prayer Quanta fede c'è When shadows fill our day Lead us to a place Guide us with your grace Give us faith so we'll be safe Sognamo un mondo senza più violenza Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino Simbolo di pace e di fraternità La forza che ci dia We ask that life be kind È il desiderio che And watch us from above Ognuno trovi amor We hope each soul will find Intorno e dentro a sè Another soul to love Let this be our prayer Just like every child Need to find a place, guide us with your grace Give us faith so we'll be safe E la fede che Hai acceso in noi Sento che ci salverà

As Bryan and I prepare for the next step in our journey, we enter it with great amount of prayer. Perhaps the most important lesson we have learned throughout this entire event is: Life is fragile, it can change at any moment, so handle with care and prayer.

We have survived many challenges, and at times, it would have been so much easier to just quit...but we journeyed on.

Now that Bryan has completed his Law Degree, we find ourselves in a familiar and yet scary place: beginning again. So, I guess it's only fitting to take a moment to look back at where we came from.

Since we started out 7 1/2 years ago, we have experienced a lot: we managed to get through 2 college degrees, surgery and hospitalization, working and school and studying, interning and reporting and teaching, finding creative ways to meet responsibilities, all kinds of jobs (from designing Kenny Rogers' shower door to interviewing then Senator, and soon to be, President Barack Obama), taking care of sick loved ones, and saying goodbye to some as they passed away, welcoming brand new one's into the family....just to name a few.

And all along the way, we have been carried by the love and support of our family and friends.... and someone else. One greater than all of us: God.

It's abundantly clear when looking at every single thing, He walked along with us, giving us help and health, necessities..like jobs..not always the exact ones we wanted, but a way to make it..even though our country has gone through some of the most challenging economic times since the Great Depression. In Bryan's words, "We have never gone hungry, never had our power turned off, always had cars to drive, health insurance, clothes to wear, shoes on our feet....when so many around our country, our world....our own street, do not."

Please do not think we believe we are "special". I want to be crystal clear...we are not special or set above anyone else. There is only one reason we have been brought to this place...God blessed us. He opened doors, cleared the way, and carried us. For all of this, we are humbled and grateful.

It's not over, we have only reached one more goal. We still face a Bar Exam, a new job somewhere, finding a new place to live...so many questions without answers.

I wish we could see the future inside some magic ball, like that huge crystal ball in the Wizard of Oz. Then I would know how everything turned out. Like, where will we live and what will our children look like?

But, only God knows the answers to those questions. So, we have to put our trust in Him. That's why the song "The Prayer" means so much. I pray "He'll be our eyes, and watch us where we go. And help us to be wise, in times when we don't know. Let this be our prayer, when we lose our way. Lead us to the place, guide us with your grace, To a place where we'll be safe."

I pass this prayer along for all of you, too.

Praise God for sending us his only Son, Jesus, to love us and save us.

In His name,

Janie


The Prayer

43 Trips Around the Sun

We all do it..you know, it's that moment when you look back at where you've come from...then wonder..."what's ahead?"

Seems like I've had a lot of those "moments" since this latest change in our life.
To catch you up, in June, I took a new job in Tuscaloosa which means, I'm only home on weekends..or 8 days a month. So, that gives me a lot of nights to "think"..while my family is in South Alabama..I'm miles away missing them very much. Add to that I am approaching my 43rd trip around the sun. And as I warned my co-workers last week, "I have decided that as I get older, my clothes will only get shorter and tighter as I stick it to old age!" Don't say you weren't warned!

43 years...that's the same age my Mother was when she had me..except she also had a 17 year old, a 15 year old and an 8 year old..needless to say..her hands were full!
Maybe that's one of the reasons I'm starting to see things in a way I never have before.

Maybe 43 is a tipping point because in 7 short years...I will be half a hundred!

Or, maybe, 8 days a month has shown me how incredibly blessed this Mississippi girl truly is to have this Man in my life, my family who loves me, friends like you, and my furry kids to hold.

Whatever it is, my heart is changing. The things I used to long for no longer seem as important.
I know when it started...I was praying one morning as I started the walk across the parking lot behind Bryant-Denny. "God", I said,"I want my heart to be like Yours, my desires to be like Yours, show me what it is because wanting something else isn't what real happiness is..so please, change my heart."

It wasn't over-night but instead, it was very subtle. The change was revealed to me in moments day after day. For instance, when something would happen that would normally have hurt my heart, instead, I didn't care! I feel like some kind of chains have been removed and I am free.

But then, that has created sort of a question mark..wondering, if my heart is changing to be like His, what will that mean? I'm a control freak, now please, do not confuse that with neatness. I just like to know what's happening, or what's going to happen so I can manage every second of it and make it work out perfectly until my hair falls out or my teeth are ground down to little nubs!!!

So..with only 36 days left until Bryan finishes school, there are more and new question marks.
And even though I don't have a lot of answers, I do know a few things.
First, never judge someone when they say " I would love to become a ____________".
Because, only God knows why people have different desires. How boring would it be to live in a world where everyone is the same? Everyone's gifts are special and deserve to be discovered..and you, if you are a real friend, should encourage them. We have had many, many people encourage us throughout this journey.. you know who you are, and we love you for it.

Second, money can not buy anything that makes me happy.
Here are a few of my favorite: Bryan's love, smile, hugs and never-ending support, my mother's laugh and the way she cooks butterbeans, my sister's wicked jokes/late-night texts ( she's sneaky..don't let her fool you), my mother-in-law's warm-eyes and endless bags of goodies, my father-in-laws's awesome chocolate oatmeal cookies and the ability to help Bryan fix anything, friends that laugh at my bad jokes and snarky comments.
None of the above comes with a price...it all comes from the heart.

So, for my 43rd trip around the sun, here is what I am wishing for:
More time to love, laugh, hug, share, smile, pray...
And I'm sharing my wish with all of you...because another thing I have learned is: life is sweeter when it's shared with friends.

Blessings to you,
Janie

66 Days and counting!

That's how long we have until Bryan finishes law school! 7 years ago we started a new chapter and now we can almost see the light at the end. Sometimes I wonder if that light is a train running wide open to run over us, because life has thrown us so many challenges.

For example, in the last week, our washing machine died, a rather expensive "hose-thingey" went out on the pick-up, and the brakes on my car became hysterical and refused to work.
So, that meant Bryan had to spend his weekend replacing/installing another washing machine, replacing the "hose-thingey" and putting on new brakes on the car.

It's hard enough to do those things when everything goes smoothly..but of course that didn't happen. Here's a glimpse into what actually happened.

The new-used washing machine uses more water and the pipes in "This old House" couldn't handle it and our laundry-room temporarily turned into a water ride at a theme park! It also sent a lovely shade of black water into our bathtub and filled our kitchen sink with even more mysterious water. So, here comes the Roto-rooter man..TWO HOURS LATER! Thankfully, it fixed the problem and now everything works like a charm! Bryan also manged to fix the truck..with the help of his Dad, and he replaced the brakes on the car. He says it's a good thing he went to Law School because he wouldn't make a good mechanic..but I think he's doing great! I told him to just keep putting a band-aid on everything and in 66 days we can start over.

Even though it seems over-whelming at times, it could be worse. Our problems are just mechanical..not something that is life-threatening. We survived one of those episodes last year...and have had several throughout our 17 year marriage..not with us specifically but in our family. And God saw us through and put a band-aid on us to help us heal. Seems like He's always whipping out a spiritual band-aid to carry us through the rough times. And believe me there have been many..I remember one day , about ten years ago, that day was so difficult..I just laid in the bed and thought " breathe in and out" and that was my job that day. Thankfully, things got better....it wasn't over night..but it got better.

So, now here we are, a decade later, having survived so many trials, and looking forward to a new future. For the first time in a long time, I'm excited. It has seemed so far away..the twists and turns we could never expect ...but God carried us through..sending us "replacement parts" along the way..literally and spiritually.

Hope you don't have any "b00-boo's" this week, but if you do...go to the "Healer"..He has a band-aid big enough to cover it up and help you heal, too!

Blessings,
Janie

Hope...and other four letter words

Hope....seek...pray....those little four letter words.

I've been doing a lot of hoping, seeking, praying and waiting..for many years now.
Someone should really take the two words "overnight success" out of the English language because it's really not true..at least not in my case.

When I think of four letter words..they're usually the ones my Mother would threaten to wash my mouth out for saying..you know the one's I'm talking about?? I have to admit..sometimes they pop out in the middle of a crisis..I'm human.. what can I say? At least I'm honest about it.

But during my Bible reading lately.....I realized that God has his own set of four letter words like love, hope, pray and seek...and ..WAIT. But-- His words give me a five letter word "peace".
Yes, I do worry and fret ( another four letter word) but everytime those feelings well up in my stomach..I remember His words.."I have a plan for you" , "is anything too big for Me?"..and it brings me peace. (I wonder if He chuckled when He said "is anything too big for Me?" ..because if I were Him, I would have laughed at that one..you know..being the CREATOR of the universe and all!)

Bryan and I have sailed through some pretty big storms in our time together..many of them were not even ours but we were right there with our loved ones..hanging on until it passed.
Right now, there are many people who are in the middle of their own "storm"..earthquake victims, flood survivors, people living with cancer, soldiers on the front line, people I meet in the check out line at Fred's...people every where I look who , like me, need some "Jesus with skin on" and a whole lot of that first little four letter word in red at the top of the page.

Just some random thoughts from this Mississippi girl looking for the gold at the end of her rainbow...for now, I'll just keep on "hoping, seeking, and praying"....and you do, too!

Blessings,
JGW

*photo by Noelle George..thank you for sharing your picture with me.

He is with you

"There's a time to live and a time to die..
there's a time to laugh and a time to cry.
There's a time for war and a time for peace.
There's a hand to hold in the worst of these.

He is with you when your faith is dead,
and you can't even get out of bed.
Or your husband doesn't kiss you anymore
He is with you when your baby is gone and
your house is still and your heart's a stone
cryin' God what did you do that for?
He is with you.

There's a time for yes and a time for no,
There's a time to be angry and a time to let go.
There's a time to run and a time to face it.
There is love to see you through all of this.

He is with you in the conference room
when the world is coming down on you
and your wife and kids don't know you anymore
and He is with you in the ICU when the doctor's don't know what to do.
And it scares you to the core,
He is with you

We may weep for a time,
but joy will come in the morning
The morning light.

He is with you when your kids are grown
when there's too much space and you feel alone
and you're worried if you got it right or wrong.
Yes, He is with you when you've given up on ever finding your true love
someone who feels like home,
He is with you.

When nothing else is left
and you take your final breath,
He is with you."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z2WRjwgsOdo

I heard this song by Mandisa Friday morning on the way to work...and it was like someone had been spying on me.

Sometimes the prayer's we praying do not get answered as quickly as we would like or in the way we would hope...and it can make you feel like "where is God while I'm going through all of this? I need God with skin on down here to show me what's going on!!!"
And for someone who works in :30 second intervals all day at work..that "waiting" thing does not go over well.

Wouldn't it be nice if praying worked like emails? Pray, send, get the response as soon as it lands in God's email, He clicks reply...hopefully with the answer you want and then you're on your way. BUT IT DOESN'T..we have to learn patience...trust..and all that makes us lean on Him instead of ourselves.

I don't like waiting...for anything..seriously..example: just a week ago I got a tip about a HUGE breaking story an hour before we hit the air..but had to get confirmation from several sources before I could run with it..20 or so phone calls later and about 30 minutes of sweet talking sources for more info..it was confirmed and then it was a race to beat the competition. I threw the facts together into a script of some sort, chunked off my shoes under my desk, ran down the hall , threw it at the anchor during the live 5 show, ran back down the hall and slid inside the booth , took over someone else's show, all while they're in the middle of a live shot for a different story..within 15 seconds..we had a plan and we hit the air..beating the competition by 15 minutes! whew!!! It was aweseome!

But God doesn't work on breaking news time frame..what I see is right now..He sees the entire picture and He's not budging on my requests..not even an inch..I'm "here"..trying to get "there"..but He's not moving me..and so it feels like I'm stuck in neutral. And no matter how many opportunities have come my way, He keeps closing doors..and it sometimes it feels like I'm alone or He's left. And I've been telling him about it, too. Asking Him to draw me nearer so I can be more like Him and feel His presence..and then my devotions come in and they're loud and clear: "wait on the Lord"...W-A-I-T..that qualifies as a four letter word in my book!!!

And then He sends me Mandisa singing "He is with you"..soooooooooooo, I'll keep praying, and waiting, and hoping and remembering "He is with ME"....and you, too.

Blessings,
Janie

Be Anxious for nothing...........

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and mind through Christ Jesus." - Phillipians 4:6-7

Bella kitty is at complete peace, sleeping soundly stretched across my lap...anxious for nothing.

I snapped a photo of her while she was doing this last week and when I looked at the photo, arms out, legs out, completely at peace..I thought: this is how God wants me to be..not worried about things...at peace stretched out in His lap. Bella doesn't wonder where her next meal will come from or for that matter she doesn't wonder about any needs..because she relies on us to take care of her..and we do..along with Molly and Alex.

But, I'm not a cat and I'm fully aware of everything going on around me and I get anxious. Where and when will I get the "dream" job? How to keep Bryan safe and healthy while he manages work and school? Are our parents alright?

Life is complicated for humans... cats get to lay around, play, purr, get petted ..and have no idea that everything comes with responsibility. Would I like to trade places with Bella? hmmmmm.... NO! I don't want to be a cat! But I would like to lay around, play, purr, get petted whenever I look cute!!! ha! ha! And that no anxious thing..Wow! That's a biggie! How do you do that? I mean, really? Is there anyone out there that has that mastered? I have a PhD in anxiousness.

Yes, we chose to leave the comfort of our "old" life for a new one but it has been a lot harder than I ever imagined. I've had glimpses of how it can be..but there are forces beyond my control that stop things from happening as quickly as I had hoped. And I am not a person who likes to wait..life is short. That's what started all of this...not wanting to waste time floating through life but actually living it ..feeling it...breathing it in deeply..every minute of it..but right now I feel like I'm marking time..anxiously waiting for the next door to open..and no matter how hard I try..it remains closed. So, I get more anxious..

Which brings me to this verse I have written in the back of my Bible. Trying to live it and not just let it be words on a page..Be anxious for nothing ( I'm working on it, minute by minute)making my requests know with thanksgiving ( thankful for Jesus, family/friends, home, shelter, food, job, life) (requesting:happy/healthy family& friends, reporter job)..and waiting for God's peace to guard my heart and mind while I wait for Him to answer...

So I guess for now, I'll TRY and be more like Bella and Be.... Anxious ..for nothing...

Blessings,

Janie