We all do it..you know, it's that moment when you look back at where you've come from...then wonder..."what's ahead?"
Seems like I've had a lot of those "moments" since this latest change in our life.
To catch you up, in June, I took a new job in Tuscaloosa which means, I'm only home on weekends..or 8 days a month. So, that gives me a lot of nights to "think"..while my family is in South Alabama..I'm miles away missing them very much. Add to that I am approaching my 43rd trip around the sun. And as I warned my co-workers last week, "I have decided that as I get older, my clothes will only get shorter and tighter as I stick it to old age!" Don't say you weren't warned!
43 years...that's the same age my Mother was when she had me..except she also had a 17 year old, a 15 year old and an 8 year old..needless to say..her hands were full!
Maybe that's one of the reasons I'm starting to see things in a way I never have before.
Maybe 43 is a tipping point because in 7 short years...I will be half a hundred!
Or, maybe, 8 days a month has shown me how incredibly blessed this Mississippi girl truly is to have this Man in my life, my family who loves me, friends like you, and my furry kids to hold.
Whatever it is, my heart is changing. The things I used to long for no longer seem as important.
I know when it started...I was praying one morning as I started the walk across the parking lot behind Bryant-Denny. "God", I said,"I want my heart to be like Yours, my desires to be like Yours, show me what it is because wanting something else isn't what real happiness is..so please, change my heart."
It wasn't over-night but instead, it was very subtle. The change was revealed to me in moments day after day. For instance, when something would happen that would normally have hurt my heart, instead, I didn't care! I feel like some kind of chains have been removed and I am free.
But then, that has created sort of a question mark..wondering, if my heart is changing to be like His, what will that mean? I'm a control freak, now please, do not confuse that with neatness. I just like to know what's happening, or what's going to happen so I can manage every second of it and make it work out perfectly until my hair falls out or my teeth are ground down to little nubs!!!
So..with only 36 days left until Bryan finishes school, there are more and new question marks.
And even though I don't have a lot of answers, I do know a few things.
First, never judge someone when they say " I would love to become a ____________".
Because, only God knows why people have different desires. How boring would it be to live in a world where everyone is the same? Everyone's gifts are special and deserve to be discovered..and you, if you are a real friend, should encourage them. We have had many, many people encourage us throughout this journey.. you know who you are, and we love you for it.
Second, money can not buy anything that makes me happy.
Here are a few of my favorite: Bryan's love, smile, hugs and never-ending support, my mother's laugh and the way she cooks butterbeans, my sister's wicked jokes/late-night texts ( she's sneaky..don't let her fool you), my mother-in-law's warm-eyes and endless bags of goodies, my father-in-laws's awesome chocolate oatmeal cookies and the ability to help Bryan fix anything, friends that laugh at my bad jokes and snarky comments.
None of the above comes with a price...it all comes from the heart.
So, for my 43rd trip around the sun, here is what I am wishing for:
More time to love, laugh, hug, share, smile, pray...
And I'm sharing my wish with all of you...because another thing I have learned is: life is sweeter when it's shared with friends.
Blessings to you,
Janie
